My Life as a Shelf-Stocker

 Many years ago, I worked stocking shelves in a grocery store. I was really good at it. In fact, I was probably the best shelf stocker that ever was. When we moved to Maine a few years ago, I began shopping at Shaw’s. The way they have their store laid out is horrible. Horrible. So one day while I was there, I loaded up a cart with canned corn and moved it to the produce department where it belongs. The manager came up to me and said, “Dan, what are you doing?” I told him that I was the best shelf stocker that ever was, and that they had the canned corn in the wrong place. He said “well, that may be your opinion, but our store has a policy about where the canned corn should be and what you’re doing doesn’t meet those standards and is disrupting the shopping experience of other customers.” I told him that I had proof he was wrong and would show him in a couple of weeks. I then proceeded to load up a cart full of canned peas and brought it over to produce. The manager then told me to leave. I responded that we have something in this country called freedom of assembly and that he was violating that right.

So I left, angry, and went over to Hanniford’s and basically did the same thing … with the same result. Now I have a lot of friends in Maine who know me to be very smart person, probably the smartest person they ever met. When I told them what happened to me, they were livid. They were so livid in fact that they started moving canned vegetables into the produce department even when I wasn’t there!

My friend, Hugh, went so far as to tell the store manager that he was authorized to speak on my behalf and that he would give the proof that I had promised about how the store should be arranged. The manager said: “Aren’t you the guy who keeps arranging the cereal aisle in alphabetical order?” Hugh was asked to leave too and also complained about freedom of assembly.

Then my friend, Pam, had the same experience. (She’s the one who takes items off the top shelf because having things on higher shelves discriminates against short people.) When SHE was told to leave, she gave them the proof I had promised. It was a manual from Ace Hardware that stated unequivocably that screwdrivers should be shelved next to hammers.

We were all so upset that by these events that it was decided that on one Saturday all of my friends would go to the Shaw’s and Hanniford’s and move all of the canned vegetables into the produce section. Even though I encouraged them to do it, for some reason I didn’t show up then. They were all asked to leave and complained that Shaw’s was violating their freedom of assembly.

I was then called and told that I was not welcomed in Shaw’s or Hanniford’s for the next two weeks. I told them that not only was this a violation of my freedom of assembly but that it wasn’t my friends at all who had moved the canned vegetables. It was really homeless people pretending to be my friends.

In order to placate Shaw’s, I promised to stop moving things in the store and to tell my friends the same thing. So I contacted my friends and said “Under NO circumstances should you go to Shaw’s and Hanniford’s on January 17th and move all of the canned vegetables to the produce section.” Shaw’s and Hanniford’s have now banned me and many of my friends permanently from their stores in violation of our freedom of assembly rights. Those were our favorite shores. Now we have no choice but to do our grocery shopping at the Bailey Island General Store which doesn’t have nearly the variety of Shaw’s or Hanniford’s. As you can imagine, we are outraged. What a violation of our constitutional rights!

There’s probably an analogy in there somewhere. [Written on January 9, 2021]